


we were always meant to say goodbye

by Evanaissante



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Battle, Heavy Angst, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Self-Indulgent, So does Steve, bucky deserves better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 19:46:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18857860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evanaissante/pseuds/Evanaissante
Summary: Bucky should have known that if the fight ends, the soldier doesn't live to see the aftermath.





	we were always meant to say goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> hi there,  
> as i said in the tags this is very much a fic i wrote for myself, because i love angst and i kind of wanted this ending in endgame (i know, i'm a monster), so it's super cheesy, super angsty and it's not that good or elaborate.  
> however, it's the first fic of a series i'm going to write which is basically "how can i hurt bucky and steve while being inspired by the song already gone".  
> i plan on making a few short stories about the tragic destiny of bucky and steve while mentioning this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FbZvDba6ew) in the titles, yes, i know, it's very 2012.
> 
> hi hope you'll enjoy this, even if it's not the most well written one shot in the world and it's kinda cliché!

When Bucky finally comes back to himself, he doesn’t feel so different. The Wakandan sun shines brightly over his head and he feels some sort of relief he can’t explain, a type of peace of mind in the face of the world. He can hear the birds around him, the soft sounds of nature coming back to life just like himself, it’s tranquil and he can see a future here, in the deepest parts of the Wakandan forest. He wonders if Steve would agree to join him, to give the shield to somebody else and just leave the rest behind. 

They could grow some vegetables, herd some goats and he’s sure Steve would feel inspired enough by the scenery around them to go back to painting. It could be a good life on his own too, a nice life, but it wouldn’t be as nice without Steve. And Bucky is a selfish man, he wants the best of the best.

He wants Steve.

He’ll tell him when this is all over, when they win this last fight he’ll wrap his arms around Steve’s shoulders, just like he used to and hold him close to his heartbeat. He’ll whisper his wishes in Steve’s ear and ask, Bucky’s sure that he already knows the answer. 

But right now, there’s a battle waiting for him and a weird magician opening a portal to the front line, so Bucky breathes in deep the sent of this new life and walks to this fight.

He hears Sam say “On your left” next to him before taking off the ground and before Bucky can count to ten, he’s on the battleground. He spots Steve easily, of course, he’s the one fighting the evil purple thingy with a broken shield, why is Bucky even surprised?

Then Steve turns around and their eyes meet, it’s all Bucky needs to charge his ammunition and aim his rifle at the ugly motherfuckers on the other side of the field. Anyone who threatens those baby blues can’t be trusted.

It’s all a blur afterwards, there are so many enemies jumping at him for Bucky to keep track of them, he just knows that he never stops shooting, and when he’s out of bullets, he takes out his knife and starts making his way through the sea of bodies to find Steve.

He tries to locate the red of the shield before remembering that he won’t see it fly past him anytime soon, but that doesn’t stop his race. He looks for a stupid blue helmet or a full head of blond hair, but the dust is making everything foggy and Bucky settles on pinpointing where the fight is thickest, logic is that if someone is bleeding, Steve is near and punching.

Bucky arrives when a blonde woman starts fistfighting the purple guy and that in itself is an act so stupid yet brave that Bucky just knows Stevie can’t be far away.

The blonde woman doesn’t flinch when the ugly dude, and Bucky should really call him by his name at this point, headbutts her but she crashes when he hits her square in the jaw with something red glowing around his fist. Bucky slightly slows down, he’s not quite ready to die yet, which is what will happen if he throws himself on this Thanos person, he shoots at him though because that’s what he does.

Thanos doesn’t react to the bullets, they must feel like flies to him, but he does lift his hand and Bucky has already lived this, he’s seen this scene before, he knows how this story ends. It doesn’t stop him from shooting again, he’s wasting his last bullets, but he doesn’t care, he would anything now, he would give everything to freeze time to at least hold Steve in his arms again.

Bucky doesn’t know if there is a God, he used to go to church back when the nuns at the orphanage still tried to salvage his soul. He used to pray too but never for himself, he would pray in the winter, when they had no money to keep warm and Steve’s cough would get raw. He’s never prayed for himself and he isn’t about to start but when he sees Steve, his Stevie, run towards an all-powerful villain with nothing, not even his broken shield or the fancy new weapon he shares with Thor, he sends a small prayer to the Heavens.

“Rogers!” It’s Stark, his face is bruised and purple all over, his helmet has been thrown aside and his eyes are filled with terror, “Rogers, get the fuck back!”

But Steve, the brave idiot, he never listens when someone tells him to run away from a fight, he doesn’t move away, he raises his fists and hits Thanos in the face. Stevie fights with his fingers clenched, those fingers that used to draw, that used to scratch Bucky’s back and wash dishes, those fingers Bucky knows them better than his own, Bucky now has to watch them break as they hit and hit and hit because Steve never stops.

There’s something going on around them, people are running and screaming, the blonde woman has gotten back on her feet, Thor has thrown an impressive bolt of lightning and this is it, this is the last fight. A lot happens at the same time, the blond woman’s hands start glowing as she grabs Thanos’ arm and starts tearing it apart, Stark blasts a ray of energy just above Steve’s head, that hits Thanos in the chest, the man howls in pain and Bucky can almost taste the victory on the tip of his tongue.

But Stark keeps screaming Steve’s name, Bucky doesn’t understand why, they’re winning! But he starts running anyway, he needs to be next to Steve when it all comes down, he wants to kiss Stevie when they finally win, he wants to tell him about the house in Wakanda, their future goats, their future life.

Stark must have seen it and Steve must have known because when Thanos stabs him in the heart with a hidden knife, he doesn’t flinch, he keeps punching. Thanos screams something but it’s over, it’s all over, the blond woman gets the gauntlet, she puts it on and snaps her fingers.

They all turn to dust, all the ugly motherfuckers who have ruined Bucky’s life, who have ruined his future, they all turn to ashes in front of him and he hates it, he hates them all, he wishes he could destroy them even further, he wishes he could erase their memory from the universe. 

But it doesn’t matter, it’s useless. All he needs to do right now is catch Steve as he falls down, the knife sticking out of his chest and wipe the sweat and blood off his face.

“Hey Buck,” It’s the first thing they have said each other in five years and Bucky shouldn’t cry, but he feels the tears forming, “We won.”

Steve’s face is beautiful, no amount of filth could mar those pretty eyes, those soft cheeks and plush lips, Bucky loves him more than he can explain, more than should be allowed between two human beings.

“Yeah, we did.” He smiles as he kisses Steve’s forehead, “You fought him good, punk.”

“I wasn’t alone,” Steve’s breath is getting a little harsh, “I was never alone.”

“You fought Red Skull alone remember?”

“You were with me,” The grin Stevie gives him is blinding, “You’re always with me.”

It might sound delirious to anyone else, but Bucky knows what he means. Between them, it goes beyond being alive or dead, it’s in their blood, it’s in their bones. There is no Steven Grant Rogers without James Buchanan Barnes, there’s no Bucky without Steve.

“Until the end of the line, yeah?” Bucky doesn’t want to cry, he doesn’t want to make Steve sad, but he chokes on the last word and he holds him tighter. He doesn’t care if blood soaks through his clothes, he’s been covered with the blood of strangers for years, now he has the blood of the person he loves the most on his hands and it doesn’t mean shit.

“We had a longer line than others,” Steve whispers, “I just wish we could have shared more of it.”

Bucky knows he needs to let other people say goodbye, he can feel Stark and the rest of the Avengers behind him, but he can’t make himself let go, he can’t keep his hands from shaking around Steve’s wrist.

“Don’t go,” Bucky murmurs, “Don’t go where I can’t follow, punk.”

Stevie laughs and it’s the most beautiful sound in the world, “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

Bucky knows his role, he will say what he has to say, but he wants to scream that Steve isn’t coming back, that this is it, the game is over, the fight is won and yet it doesn’t feel at all like a victory. “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Steve stands a little and the pain must be terrible, but he presses a sloppy kiss to Bucky’s temple and whispers, “Jerk.”

It’s a goodbye, it’s their goodbye, and it should revolt Bucky, it does in a way, but it also makes so much fucking sense. 

Steve is a fighter, he was the ultimate warrior long before they gave him all of this physical strength, but now that the fight is over and he can finally lie down, relax and  _ breathe _ .

When Steve’s hand goes lax in his own, Bucky doesn’t cry, he just kisses Stevie’s knuckles, the ones that had fought through hell and back, the ones who had gotten so sore after his back alley fights, the ones that knocked on Bucky’s chest like an invitation and like the beating of his heart. He kisses Stevie’s knuckles and he says goodbye.

The line had to end at some point.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://starryspice.tumblr.com/)  
> and [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/5db1w65d5ik20w58l2am6uzgu/playlist/0pMQrFqE6VDeR3WbTM3tw3?si=-RkG3_oYSV2xLRIxueCFBg) is a steve rogers playlist i made because my feels are out of this galaxy
> 
> maybe leave a comment? thanks, bye!


End file.
